Resources for those who mourn:
A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis
National Alliance for Children’s Grief
Resources for those supporting someone who mourns:
· Don’t give platitudes or say things like, “He’s in a better place” or “God picks the brightest flowers first.” They aren’t helpful, and can even cause harm because they make light of someone’s real, legitimate pain. Stick to a simple, “I’m so sorry for your loss,” or a, “I’m praying for you/thinking of you/holding you in my heart.”
· Avoid saying, “Let me know if you need anything!” While you might be sincere, it gives extra work to the mourner, who is already exhausted with grief (grieving is some of the hardest work you’ll ever do). Instead, think of something you think they might like, or something you would like if you were mourning. Then say something like, “I’m bringing you dinner this week – which day works best?” Or “I’m dropping of some gifts/treats. I’ll leave them on your porch.” Or “I’m mowing your lawn/doing your laundry/cleaning your house – when is best for me to do that?”
Call/text/email/write the mourners after the initial loss, and also in the days/weeks/months after. If the mourner is someone really close to you, mark the anniversary of their loss in your calendar, to remind you to send a simple card or email, telling them you’re thinking of them.
· When it’s not pandemic-times, visit the mourner and just listen, or sit with them in the quiet.
Bring them practical gifts that engage the senses, like candles, soft blankets or socks, flowers or a healthy snack. Bring them bottled water and the super nice brand name Kleenex with lotion.
· Don’t expect the mourner to reply back to your communication attempts. It’s okay if they don’t. It’s not about reciprocity – it’s about showering them with the sense of community. But don’t drown them in it, either.
· When in doubt, pray.
Tired Parent Club 