[Written in 2011]

Dear Britt,

            This is you talking. Yes, you. Actually, this is the non-anxious version of you talking to the Chihuahua-like version of you sitting in the corner shaking with that look of terror in your eyes. Chill and listen, er, read.

            You are not alone. Let me repeat: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I know that sometimes your body wigs out and you get overcome with this anxiety. Your mind spins, you wonder what you did wrong, what you could have done better… You agonize over the latest encounters with people, searching for any minute clue to indicate why they may not like you anymore. You look for doom and rejection in everything. You spend your time preparing for loss and pain that usually doesn’t come. And if anything happens that might remotely resemble rejection, you act like a cornered animal.  You cry, you pace, you mope, you descend into a pit of turmoil so big you feel trapped.

But I’m here to remind you of this: Sometimes anxiety lies. Sometimes it correctly helps you escape from legitimate harm, like a lion jumping on you. But sometimes it lies and tells you there’s physical danger when it’s literally all in your head. It leaves you feeling scared and clingy and hopeless. It causes you to doubt your own feelings. It releases chemicals in your brain that trick your body into thinking it needs to flee or fight or freeze.  It tells you that you’re doomed, even when you’re not. (And by the way dumb dumb, you’re never doomed as long as you have Christ by your side. And He’s ALWAYS by your side, ergo, you’re never doomed. So there!)

So what do you do, huh? When this happens, you need to stop, place both feet on the ground, focus on the feeling of your feet, toes to heel, pressing into the earth. Breathe and wait. Remember that anxiety lies, and that you are strong. You are more than your neurochemicals. You are more than anxiety. Anxiety is a transient state of being – it cannot last forever. Just wait.

Truth is, life is going to suck sometimes. People will leave, you’ll be alone, you’ll lose things, you’ll fail, your loved ones will get sick or fail, things happen. In those times, it’s okay to feel bad. That’s your body letting you know what’s up. It’s all about living in the normal range of feelings. Some anxiety good. All anxiety, not good.

Think, breathe, pray, and love. It will be okay.

Love,

The more balanced version of yourself